I was wondering the day I imagined my future with my friend in 2007 when I thought I found my true love for life. At that time, I never felt I would live this long, and when he asked about how our future will be,I really had no answer.
I read that Jesus was saved by Judas. And Judas saved Jesus from the torture and the passion,sort of thing.(just like Seth Speak described) But like I thought, it could have been written that way in order not to scare me. I truly believe he did experienced the passion just "how" is something I am not sure.,but one thing for sure is that when we all are talking about just physical event or rather spiritual or psychological,there can be many possible answers.
Then started thinking if I was meant to be dead going through the torturous experience,too. I really asked for help of all kind, eventually, I found my way out there and came back to life where I am now, and fact is the gamble is still going on and no one has “saved” me,and am trying to figure out how to save myself all on my own without putting anyone in Judas shoes. Not sure if it is possible or not. I am just waiting for my time.
I never believed that people could commit homicide in the name of religions or for so called prophecy to be fulfilled whole my life. When I found out about what my friends did and country of Japan did to me, I have been in such a struggle to find right answer what to do. I mean I was angry and depressed when I wanted to believe good intention. Who would plant the computer chip so they can monitor,project, sense and images?
What I mean here is about my close friends, family and the country I trusted. But one thing for sure is I hate to live in life filled with regret or life filled with hate and anger where it could be love and something better. I know my life deserve same chance as others even after all those abuses and pain I experienced.
What I am hoping and to ask is you all give me some space till I feel safe and secure sharing same space with those of you again. I am asking the understanding and physical, psychological room between us for awhile. I hope someday, we all go merrily way.
Hoping that time heal us all and I am sure you all are also victims at some level as much as I was this time.
Just this time, there is no single friend of mine wanted to “ save” me from the situation, by letting me escape from there. I had to face it and It was both good and bad after all. I am trying to believe it was how things meant to be, and hope no one really got killed for it.
So from here my concern is my recovery from the trauma and the fear..
took long,but I hope I got my thought straight for better.
Sincerely
