listenthose who have ears to hears?
I would say:
talk if you had mouth to speak
to show that you are not animal or part of devil
to express your love
to express your torment
to express your solution
that's what confessions are for
to express love and gratitude for life
being alive
being given for chances
that's what called forgiveness
Or forever remain silent carrying the burden all on your own
chance exist in one life time
and to resolve the torment, you have to live it all over the same
life goes on
as much as history repeat itself
rain create storm, river
eventually becomes part of huge water on earth
I cannot move ocean just for you because you created rain.
I can only show how to stop and divert the flow for safety
how to appreciate the rain and convey what rain is.
it could provide you food
it can be a good thing, part of life, art of life
it could relieve you from the thirst
without water we cannot live or survive
salt water on dehydration can kill you
IF anyone who made mistake were true evil,
I would not tell or advice anything
I offer solution and guidance
because they are not
I did my best
If everybody decide to live on the salt water
wise man, wise people have to step up to stop itt from happening
at least tell people what is harmful and what is the cause and take bad element away from the environment
Do not lie poison as safe food to take
If I were to be center of the harm, stop it sto it from spreading it
be smart to make it less harmful and rather beneficial
I speak for the love that exist within those who made mistakes
history repeat itself just in order to resolve the past torment
life goes on both good and sinners
so is burden of life
stop repeating the same
start something new actions
I am not responsible for actions of others
I am not responsible for decisions of others
same to you
same to me
whether to have faith in you or not
my decision always stay in grey
more I believe, in the betrayal, your pain, burden becomes more
what is appropriate amount of faith for you ?
you have to be able to tell me
some are stronger than other
some are weaker than other
let each do their best
Did anybody understand message of the book" silence" (written by Endo Shusaku?)
sometimes choosing not to, let it go off cause of pain is what needed
detaching our past is what we all work for now
4/27/13
between the ages
falling to the cracks of the reality
unable to find the light
falling into the cave
power of nature created
realizing power of the ground
falling from the sky
unable to stay in the water
finally realizing
the dimension of the reality
slaves of time
the comfort of the reality
slow current of the time
flow going up and down
I float the same
looking down where I stand
clouds falling into packet of the ocean
you collect them
just to show how you play
I blow it to you
the clouds I made
with bubbles
I made in rainbow color
out of your breath.
just to your reality
just for your cave
unable to find the light
falling into the cave
power of nature created
realizing power of the ground
falling from the sky
unable to stay in the water
finally realizing
the dimension of the reality
slaves of time
the comfort of the reality
slow current of the time
flow going up and down
I float the same
looking down where I stand
clouds falling into packet of the ocean
you collect them
just to show how you play
I blow it to you
the clouds I made
with bubbles
I made in rainbow color
out of your breath.
just to your reality
just for your cave
4/26/13
no title April 26
crying is not that hard
being alone is not that hard
pain is not that great
rain is not that great
thunder is not that great
eventually you would learn how to take it
tear is water of the eyes
fire is power of life
pink is your blood on your cheek
blue is your day under the Sun
smiling is not that hard
playing is not that hard
hiding them is not that hard
eventually you would know how to live with it
hair is wind to your shoulders
your eyes are showers to my sunny day
your arms are cradle when I take a nap
your voice is a song that bring me into the dream
standing alone
here on earth
trying to see the other side of world
swimming through
between the seas
trying to see the world of Savannah
world I can take
under one sky
above one ground
in the air
being alone is not that hard
pain is not that great
rain is not that great
thunder is not that great
eventually you would learn how to take it
tear is water of the eyes
fire is power of life
pink is your blood on your cheek
blue is your day under the Sun
smiling is not that hard
playing is not that hard
hiding them is not that hard
eventually you would know how to live with it
hair is wind to your shoulders
your eyes are showers to my sunny day
your arms are cradle when I take a nap
your voice is a song that bring me into the dream
standing alone
here on earth
trying to see the other side of world
swimming through
between the seas
trying to see the world of Savannah
world I can take
under one sky
above one ground
in the air
4/25/13
index
Index
Prologue
Chapter 1 Spirituality
Personal turning point
Spiritual turning point
Most profound questions
Yoga
Love and compassion
Chapter 2 Religions
religious statement
divinity and humanity(insert prose)
the religious activity and Faith
Money and love
about money
about love
Trinity
Spiritual revelation content(summer 2010)
What I wanted in religions
Chapter 3 My personal monologue(most viewed blog posting)
Drug and alcohol
Christianity advice
Astrology
Sun sign compatibility
Planet ruler
Mercury retrograde
Yoga
yoga lesson
Grace
OK
Brussels cone pine
Words of Nietzsche
My birthday desire
Epilogue
(prose_justice)
additional Chapter Prose
teenage
2010-2012
my book
looking for a publisher who can help. got burned and cheated on "online publishing for free deal".(so far this statement is true though tomorrow never knows) So I am looking for people who can help protect my rights in traditional way away from online signing agreement, away from manipulation of family or entanglement of family and relatives.
first two years, I am looking at hard copies production exclusively at the same time of e book version.( help conserving trees)looking for the company who can catch up appropriate needs of production which I have little clue for the marketing statistics.could be very little,could be enormous number. looking for the company that is honest and courageous enough to protect my work and the profitability for me and for the company.
looking for people who work for success. Please contact me.
My phone is managed by governments probably Japanese, and laptop is managed by Christianity or US government. not sure but there is regulation and , manipulation not to set me free.
My phone is managed by governments probably Japanese, and laptop is managed by Christianity or US government. not sure but there is regulation and , manipulation not to set me free.
My will about assets and inheritance as blind man
Everything I made ,as avatar of Jesus Christ, every monetary asset goes and stays benefit for public who have faith in Christ. It includes churches that teach message of Jesus Christ,people who have faith in Jesus Christ and people who have faith my life and my personal work of life. Mostly churches, I assume
My relatives and family are excluded from the people who are entitled to receive inheritance and the benefit for my special concerns and management of my life. They cannot receive the any financial asset as my inheritance
Clan as my family, clan of family of Christ should not exist here on earth now and ever. This has to be true all the time at this moment, before and after my physical death. This is only reason I choose not to bear my own child if and when I have choice. My decision is for the sake of humanity, for the best of humanity.
Personally I prefer Christianity that exist in this country,spirituality of United States of America. I hope this country to get most benefit from my life at this point of life.
As far as my spiritual desire goes, I still have some things I wanted to accomplish and enjoy in my life.
Japanese government, some people who have access to the special brain technology has been manipulating my brain and my life for these years. Some of visions, dream I have are man made creation by them. My family and my old friends took significant role in this life set up and I am looking for a way to detach that part of my past.
They have their own life issues to deal with on their own. I want them out of my life for the rest of my life.
anyone, any individual who wish for a new beginning clearing slate, and for next phase of y OUR spiritual journey,every body is welcomed to my life. I hope to stay with you.
If I give everybody another chance,I probably would get one.
was Jesus Christ biggest loser of human history?maybe? maybe not.
If he was, and that was destined to be, I could have followed his path, but somehow I felt discord to my soul.
that inspiration made me live this day.
My purpose of work is to bring his soul to sky after resolving his regret and torment.
but thought of inheritance create such problem in this reality, I wanted people to be sure about my intentions.
I want people to have enough food to feed themselves both spirit and their stomach. That is what I work for. spiritual love for soul and my love for your tummy. In this age, spirituality of the people,with the spiritual abundance, no one should live in hunger or experience starvation.
love for all.
always, believe it or not
My relatives and family are excluded from the people who are entitled to receive inheritance and the benefit for my special concerns and management of my life. They cannot receive the any financial asset as my inheritance
Clan as my family, clan of family of Christ should not exist here on earth now and ever. This has to be true all the time at this moment, before and after my physical death. This is only reason I choose not to bear my own child if and when I have choice. My decision is for the sake of humanity, for the best of humanity.
Personally I prefer Christianity that exist in this country,spirituality of United States of America. I hope this country to get most benefit from my life at this point of life.
As far as my spiritual desire goes, I still have some things I wanted to accomplish and enjoy in my life.
Japanese government, some people who have access to the special brain technology has been manipulating my brain and my life for these years. Some of visions, dream I have are man made creation by them. My family and my old friends took significant role in this life set up and I am looking for a way to detach that part of my past.
They have their own life issues to deal with on their own. I want them out of my life for the rest of my life.
anyone, any individual who wish for a new beginning clearing slate, and for next phase of y OUR spiritual journey,every body is welcomed to my life. I hope to stay with you.
If I give everybody another chance,I probably would get one.
was Jesus Christ biggest loser of human history?maybe? maybe not.
If he was, and that was destined to be, I could have followed his path, but somehow I felt discord to my soul.
that inspiration made me live this day.
My purpose of work is to bring his soul to sky after resolving his regret and torment.
but thought of inheritance create such problem in this reality, I wanted people to be sure about my intentions.
I want people to have enough food to feed themselves both spirit and their stomach. That is what I work for. spiritual love for soul and my love for your tummy. In this age, spirituality of the people,with the spiritual abundance, no one should live in hunger or experience starvation.
love for all.
always, believe it or not
4/22/13
on the beach
on the beach
you told me not to care other than love
blinded by the sunshine of the windshield of your car
I had no words
I had no proof
blinded by the possible shadow,
you chose to live for different path
Path left on the sand was your foot step
standing on the side of beach,
I see the remain of the day
to guide me to let me live
along the shore line,
now I see nothing other than the path
hope you are happy
hope you did good in the path
hope you prepared me for that day
hope I am following your path good
for good or for bad
nobody know
as long as you are happy
it counts
money cannot buy happiness
money cannot buy love
it counts but not enough
priceless power of love
and in the memory
love and appreciation for your pain and suffering
Now I am with you
food for thought
a few year ago, I thought I found a guy I was looking and waiting to meet and exchanged mail and had online chat session. It was almost date like conversation. there were many moment that before hit "send," exactly same words came back at the same time, and such. it was amazing. It did not work out to meet in person, cards were all messed up.
What I talked to the guy about was that everybody catches cold. heart of cold, life of cold making you small and very lonely helpless. There were so many moments in my life that, I have come to used to such pain,days with cold. I know its hard. Hope to get chicken noodle soup to my soul. My ex boyfriend was so eager to bring me one when I was sick having fever. When I was sick in bed, what my ex husband prepared me to get better was also chicken noodle soup and then transitioned to my favorite foods spaghetti with tomato source, veges and meat.
Now I am experiencing the cold to my soul. Food is often least priority in my life,when my mind get caught in what I like and love, I become unable to eat.. stress does the same,too.
I loved people who reminds me to eat and to stay healthy which obviously I m not so good when I get stressed out.
being alone do not hurt me much. the idea that made me feel confined, hurts my core of being.
I see everybody made decision to make the guy free before me. I think I made decision to wait and see. I want to see who really is my cowboy to save me from man made hell.
if its wild and right for instinct, then should be a OK. because I do not have life decision power any more.
I do not care how it goes. Just everybody should know no one cannot make me love someone,cannot make me have sex with someone.
I only would if and when I want to
I have come to learn this "forcible Christianity suck!!
in order to fix and make look like own dogma look right, to make ends meet by force. Its OK.with or without real two way communication, could have been better, but could have been worse. no one liked my leadership anyway. Card of devil is ruled by planet Saturn and it always bring good learning and lesson, just it suck so bad no one like it in the field of Astrology.
From where I stands, no one know what they are believing and what they are following chasing. surely they are not looking at my life or "me" or what I believe in.
if you want cube look like watermelon, you cast clear plastic box around small water melon. so it grow in the shape of clear plastic cube watermelon. Its funny and cute. everybody should become one instead of real water melon with real shape! the melon would never know it would grow into the square watermelon. All it does is to grow and fill the plastic. Its COOL.Power to grow naturally and power and design to confine it.No one win or lose in this. as long as the love and intention are real, I do not mind. you all are responsible for my happiness to make me live free and be happy?
I can love everyone, but cannot lie about how I think or hide my feeling any more. So bad.thanks to my ex boyfriend who taught me to live in love and truth.
why not join the club?
What I talked to the guy about was that everybody catches cold. heart of cold, life of cold making you small and very lonely helpless. There were so many moments in my life that, I have come to used to such pain,days with cold. I know its hard. Hope to get chicken noodle soup to my soul. My ex boyfriend was so eager to bring me one when I was sick having fever. When I was sick in bed, what my ex husband prepared me to get better was also chicken noodle soup and then transitioned to my favorite foods spaghetti with tomato source, veges and meat.
Now I am experiencing the cold to my soul. Food is often least priority in my life,when my mind get caught in what I like and love, I become unable to eat.. stress does the same,too.
I loved people who reminds me to eat and to stay healthy which obviously I m not so good when I get stressed out.
being alone do not hurt me much. the idea that made me feel confined, hurts my core of being.
I see everybody made decision to make the guy free before me. I think I made decision to wait and see. I want to see who really is my cowboy to save me from man made hell.
if its wild and right for instinct, then should be a OK. because I do not have life decision power any more.
I do not care how it goes. Just everybody should know no one cannot make me love someone,cannot make me have sex with someone.
I only would if and when I want to
I have come to learn this "forcible Christianity suck!!
in order to fix and make look like own dogma look right, to make ends meet by force. Its OK.with or without real two way communication, could have been better, but could have been worse. no one liked my leadership anyway. Card of devil is ruled by planet Saturn and it always bring good learning and lesson, just it suck so bad no one like it in the field of Astrology.
From where I stands, no one know what they are believing and what they are following chasing. surely they are not looking at my life or "me" or what I believe in.
if you want cube look like watermelon, you cast clear plastic box around small water melon. so it grow in the shape of clear plastic cube watermelon. Its funny and cute. everybody should become one instead of real water melon with real shape! the melon would never know it would grow into the square watermelon. All it does is to grow and fill the plastic. Its COOL.Power to grow naturally and power and design to confine it.No one win or lose in this. as long as the love and intention are real, I do not mind. you all are responsible for my happiness to make me live free and be happy?
I can love everyone, but cannot lie about how I think or hide my feeling any more. So bad.thanks to my ex boyfriend who taught me to live in love and truth.
why not join the club?
4/20/13
old lyrics of garden
old lyrics of garden
When the day is over
waiting for the night
the warmth of the shadow let me know where you are
Even in the cold winter
Even in the hot spring to soaked my body into
I knew that night is getting longer
I knew that morning is arriving faster
When sun is above your head
I know where your shadow lies
never missed where you are
sunshine
message of wind
fragrance of the sweet peas
green flavor of snow pea
your eyes are set to above the clouds
let me know what to look for
here on earth
here on my day.
my question and pondering
I have been wondering many questions. Why do I have to be treated this way which is no way closer to decent standards of living or above poverty level since the year 2010. I did best to have faith in good in any given circumstances. believed everything I heard and experienced. I did not choose anything consciously. Everybody made decision how to take advantaged of my life here and there and for some reasons, I am the one who get blamed for their life decision.
I do not mind sharing things even food or money if I have enough. but how come everybody know my thought and thought process what I like and what I don't like and what I need with common sense in the idea. How come , nothing has been working productively?
all I witness is sex business selling my life, my body, personal right invaded and secretive contract,, naked images, my privileged of life damaged and stolen behind my back. It occurred here in my old apartment, and it happened more in Japan for financial reasons of my family.
Here is what I want. I want my life to be separated from the families who have entanglements and contracts regarding my love life and my work. They cannot make money selling me,selling my naked body for sex, or life, out of my conscious consent.
they cannot post my naked pic or video or image online or sell or receive money for my sex life.
I mean please, if they have perfect crime situation, know they would get away with action, without letting me know, they would have to commit the perfect crime. It is war time for survival. they would have to work for majority to make themselves look good. for money? even make it sure reasons.
If only they could understand what is abuse and what is manipulation, what is ethical what is not, none of these had happened. What I know is that serial killers would keep killing until it get caught and unable to do the act again. I think, in spiritual sense,and in my understanding, they are always waiting to get caught. commit crime People are made o love peace and live in peace. elimination chance to commit crime is sometimes only solution. I mean that's how parents teach own child how to live and be around the cars and highways.
They have my contact information, if they are willing to straighten out things. they know where to send check too. as far as my trust goes, they are not untitled to manage my asset. and I do not trust them as much as they do not have to care or trust me.
Making one crazy so they can look OK and take advantage of? someone like that is not my family.
I want the religious organization to get hold of the revelation papers I wrote in the summer of 2010. My cards indicated that is in hands of Japanese government which my family and parents received monetary contribution from.
I really would like to know who is F ing me, who is not since the summer. Hope everybody understand why I would like to stay in the United States.
I want to reside in United States.I want life security, both physical and financial where that allows me to create garden for my recovery and to rest and sleep safe In order to make physical recovery without financial concern or security concern for both political and personal reasons.
Men's sexual desire is threat to my day most often and I need my private space to feel safe and protected. Even if it means I have to be alone. friends both man and woman are always welcomed and I love to interact and meet anyone outside of my bedroom any time.
after publishing my book, my most of the religious work seems to be done. I wish to retire in comfort and safe setting. My main focus is to recover psychologically and spiritually. my ex seems to need some time to recover from the stress these past years. I started thinking it might be best to stay as friends for our health problems. I trust him for his fairness,and love but not for men's sexual intentions I might need more friends for my side.
I want religious organization to take the role of providing such opportunity through my ex husband or whom I could trust. rather Japanese government.
, At this point, all I witness was imprisonment done by my family that is resulted from my family's need for money, loyalty to Japan, country to the Japanese government. I need to be free and away from such entanglement.What they did was not right or safe in no way.
They WORK too hard to sacrifice my life and my free will for money and for the country. The imprisonment condition is not acceptable by me. Japanese government knowing what they are doing, but could not take any action for the sake of personal rights of family, neglecting my safety and health behind the door is not acceptable.
My family cannot be part of my work, my life, or influence any more. They do anything for money and salary from the government keeping me in Japan. More importantly, I want to live in the United States. that is my next spiritual work take place.It does not mean I decided not going to help other country other than United States. Please show some honest gesture and intentions. after publishing my book, there is not much reasons for me to keep carrying chip set in my heads. I cannot wait for the day of surgery. At this point of my life, I trust and love people who knows me before my brain got affected.
I am open for a new good loyal friendship any time.
financial security, my work security, and my life security are my concerns and hope to get back ALL of them.
Its so sad that NOT many people actually KNOWs me.I am more giving than taking. I am pretty generous for a woman who live such life situation.
still love to travel and see things lovely, but not really looking into taking chances to be used sexually unless there is true interaction and love interest that click my heart.
I want life security mostly financial and life security / environment that make me feel protected and safe.
taking my life privileged away from my life choice, making me believe things are normal and making me feel like I am the one who do not comply the religious rules and regulation, common sense do not work, when I am the core of the religious idea.
they created the activity, they made decision to alter my life decision,which was all done out of my conscious consent. Please start taking responsibility in realistic sense. I would take care your spiritual needs if you any of you desired.if you are sincere enough I will see it through forgiveness comes naturally to me.
money is very important aspect of life in this reality. Hope to see gesture of what you really thinking of my life. could be less or more?
I never met Jesus Christ in my life. I never know what is appropriate life for him financially.
hope it is above standard/ norm
4/19/13
My book and publishing plan
When the religious activity is over on the day of December 31, 202,some things had changed and revealed, but I still live my life same way. I am looking for a new way of life. I also feel that everybody wishing some sort of conclusion and a new beginning.
After all, you could share something with Christ,or time with a person who has Jesus Christ as Guardian Angel is precious life experience/ opportunity. Ah yes he is part of my life,and represent most of my life.
It is all spiritual. Thank you all for being part of my life.
I am hoping my publishing book is another beginning of my spiritual journey. I hope this would provide me opportunity to meet new people and bring me chances for a possible new adventures.
The title of book at this point is going to be LIFE GOES ON. I am putting things together from my blog posts and records. I have been working on my new book and trying to make it as good as as possible.
The book is about my life, and religious view which express my experience about Christianity, spirituality in general.. When I look back those years,,those pots and records were my diary and records of my spiritual journey. My primary language is not English, but Japanese. Please note that my writing is not written or structured "right" for English composition at all.. I expressed thing as spiritual thought and message came to my mind.( some use the word "channel" but I don't feel it happening) I did my best to express what I was supposed to write time to time.
hope to have a good experience in this new project.
love,
Tomoko